iKnow It's Not the Same
by chasingafterstarlight
Summary: "I'll come back after my required year and it'll be like I never left." But it's not the same, and it will never be the same. Seddie angst oneshot.


**Hey, people!**

**I'm sorry, I haven't updated my stories in a while, but I've just been in a mood for some reason. **_**Hopefully **_**iBreak a Promise will be updated tomorrow. Well, I decided to try my hand at an angst oneshot. Hope you enjoy it…or cry, or something. I don't own iCarly.**

_**iKnow It's Not the Same**_

Her blue eyes gaze over the piece of paper in his hands. "You're not seriously thinking of going."

"Sam, I have to," he reminds her desperately "You know I don't want to-"

Her voice raises a few octaves. "You have a family, Benson! You have a responsibility-"

"And I also have a responsibility to my country," He stares into her deep blue eyes, which are glazing over with tears though she'll never admit it. "Sam, are you crying?"

"Of course not," she responds indifferently. "Just some…dust…"

It started out simple enough, just like your average fairy tale. The two began dating in the eleventh grade and got married two years out of college. Their daughter, Jennette (or Jennie, as she was called by most) was born two years later, perfect as perfect could be with her dark blonde hair and dark brown eyes. Now, Jennie was four years old and though she didn't know it, her father had just been drafted into the war.

He wraps his arms around her. "You know I don't want to leave…"

"I get that," She's still trying not to cry. As long as he's known her, he's only seen her cry twice. Once when her father killed himself, once when Carly moved away. Oh yeah, and that time after the window washer's platform, if that could be counted as crying. She continues, oblivious to her husband's train of thought. "But, I don't see why you have to go…"

"It's required," he informs her, biting his lip. He cries a lot more often than Sam does. "We have to protect our country-"

"Do they not understand that you have other responsibilities to fulfill?" She's almost hysterical now, and he pulls her even closer.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he mutters again and again until she calms down. He then holds her at arm's length. "Sam, there's no need to worry. I'll come back after my required year and it'll be like I never left."

She gazes into his brown eyes. "You promise?"

"I promise," he reassures her, pulling her in and kissing her quickly.

_And for some reason, she believes him._

fb*sp

She has no idea how to explain where Daddy's going to her four-year-old as he leaves that fateful day.

"Jennie, daddy's going on a… on a vacation," She mutters, biting her lip and scooping her up.

"A vacation?" Jennie wonders.

"A trip," Sam elaborates. "He'll be back before you know it."

Tears well up in the little girl's eyes. "I'm gonna miss you, Daddy." She reaches her arms out for him and he holds the little girl close to him.

The tears start to roll down his face too, and he pulls Sam into the hug too, whispering in her ear, "I don't know how I'm gonna do it, Sam. I don't know how I'm gonna survive without you. I'm gonna miss you two so, so much and I love both of you. Always remember that, no matter what."

"It sounds like you think you're gonna die, dork," She mumbles. "Remember, you promised me, you're coming back. Always remember."

"I will," he tells her, pulling the two closer. "I love you, Sam."

"I love you too," She kisses him. "Bye…."

"Goodbye," He waves as he gets in the taxi and drives away. Jennie starts crying again, and Sam picks her up.

"He'll be back soon, Jennie," She rocks the girl in her arms, though she's a bit too old for that now. "He promised…"

fb*sp

Someone knocks on the door that day.

At that time, Sam was just living her life out as a single mother whose husband was at war, not knowing how much her life would be drastically changed in the next five minutes.

She opens the door cautiously and almost faints when she sees the man in military uniform in front of her.

Through the tears that are blinding her vision, she asks in a terrified voice, "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Benson," The young man begins, and she feels like dying, knowing what's going to come next. "We regret to inform you that your husband, Fredward Benson, died in battle at approximately 12:11 PM on August 26th, 2018…"

She doesn't hear the rest, she's on the floor, sobbing. _"_He can't have…he promised…"

"We're all very sorry," he repeats, looking awkward. She knows that his job has to be the worst in the entire world.

She wipes the tears from her eyes and shoos the boy off. Someone comes toddling down the stairs then. "Mommy? What's wrong?" Jennie asks in her childish tone.

"Daddy's…" She's on the risk of breaking down once again. "Daddy's gone, sweetie," and it's amazing how these three words can cause the unbreakable Sam Puckett to break into thousands of little pieces.

"Where did he go?" Jennie asks softly, snuggling up against her mother.

"He's up there, baby," Sam points upward.

"He is on the woof?" Jennie questions.

Sam shakes her head. "He's up in heaven, Jennie."

This seems to frighten the little girl. Tears start leaking out of Jennie's eyes too. "Will we see him again, Mommy?"

"No, baby," Sam strokes the girl's blonde hair. "Not until you…you die."

Jennie's concerned eyes meet Sam's and she can't stand it, _his eyes are present there. _Her chocolate brown eyes are the exact same shade as her father's. "When I die I can see Daddy again?"

"Until then, he'll be watching you from above," Sam consoles her daughter. "He'll always be watching you, guarding over you- he'll always be your guardian angel."

Jennie looks up at the sky, as if she is hoping to find her father within the curled designs on the ceiling. Eyes open wide, she says, "Daddy, I love you. Pwease, pwease pwotect me, or pwease just come back, Daddy, I miss you, Mommy misses you, why did you have to weave?"

Sam hugs her daughter again, wondering why something so terrible had to happen to such a sweet kid at such a young age. Jennie looks up at her. "Mommy, it's okay. I am still here!" She holds out her arms.

"Yes, you are, honey," She tells the four-year-old, hugging her tighter to her. "You're not going to leave, are you?"

"No, mommy," Jennie says in her normal chipper voice. "I promise."

And then Sam's heart breaks all over again, remembering the broken promise that her deceased husband had made to her all those days ago.

_I miss you, Freddie. Can't you just come back? Jennie misses you, we all miss you. Why did you have to leave? You promised me, you dork, and now you broke that promise and there's no way to fix it. Never again will things be the same way they were before you… before you left._

She stares out the window, up at the sky, and for a second a bright patch of light obstructs her vision.

_I love you, Freddie. _

**Was that really sad? Or just a piece of crap? Tell me in a review!**

**By the way, this was my 20****th**** story on fanfiction. *Celebrates* Wanna leave me a present? I'm writing an original story based on my life on Fictionpress, there's a link to it on my profile. It would be so amazing if you could check it out and leave a review or something.**

**You guys rock!**


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